"Bold and Brassy" — An autobiographical account of the doings of Count Basil De Brass, gentleman adventurer, as related by him to the brain in the jar, by means of his superior mental powers
By now it will be clear to you Pandexter, that the life that I have chosen for myself, brings with it both joy and sadness in full measure. It is the lot, you see, of a gentleman adventurer to both gain and lose many boon companions in the course of pursuing his chosen occupation. This cannot help but add a leaven to the joy otherwise taken in the more satisfying aspects of the adventuring life.
After a time one becomes hardened to it of course — as I say, "a bit of pluck and a stiff upper lip sees one through". So while grieving in my own way for the loss of Talis, that dear sweet girl, I have been able to be comforted by the undeniable fact that her loss to us was through a circumstance that was to her own immeasurable gain. And was in fact, the culmination of all she could have desired.
Pandora is of course, in a different case. She cannot help but feel the loss, and feel it keenly in the way of her kind. She tries to be brave — the dear creature, but it is a bit beyond her at the moment. She will rally round in time you know, but for now she is missing Talis fiercely.
I give what comfort I can of course, but being as I am a somewhat gruff and rugged sort of a fellow I am not sure that I am entirely suited to the required purpose. It is all so much easier with other chaps you see — no one much cares when they get killed, so long as they are killed gloriously — and there ain't anything much more glorious than a fellows ascent into heaven as the new incarnation of ones own personal deity. Bit different when females get involved of course. More things to be considered.
Now, you will probably be able to guess that the general reaction here at the preceptory has been one of joyful celebration. It seems that they all are delivered from a dreadful fate and that we all are to be accorded a portion of the credit due. Including you of course Pandexter, and rest assured you feature prominently in my opera, which is by the way extremely well received by the select few that have so far had an opportunity to see it.
It is an interesting thing that since performing the opera, I have felt a strange sort of a "potential". Not sure what its about, but its similar in its way to what I felt while carrying your demon about — though of course different in degree, and also in the fact that in general this feeling is pleasant and not well, horrifying. But I do feel charged, and charged with an energy not entirely my own. An interesting sort of an observation, I think you will agree, and I am quite keen to see how it all works out.
Seems I will be getting an opportunity too, to see how things work out, as we are off on the adventurer's road again. Apparently, at least according to Calvin — Talis wants us to take a stick to some blond haired child in a village on the south coast by the name of Restenford. No doubt he is making a mess of things as usual, as this does seem to be a very strange request, but then if he IS making a mess of things its best that Pandora and I are on hand to sort things out. One needs persons of sense and sensibility involved if one wants things to go well, you see. And while I am not sure that I could be generally described as one who is possessed of a great deal of sense (though experience has shown us that what sense I do have is definitely in excess of that possessed by Calvin), sensibility is definitely a quality I can lay claim too.
It will be good for Pandora too, to get her out and about again. Whilst the preceptory is all very well, it is the centre of a community that is amongst other things a hive of human commerce. With all that this implies in terms of the range of human conditions and types that one is exposed too. Given Pandora's current vulnerable state of mind, I cannot be entirely easy regarding the status of all the connections that she has formed here, and the influence that these connections may have upon her.
It was perhaps a wholly understandable impulse that led Pandora to approach Xiph, and ask her if she would accompany us on our latest set of adventurers. Superficially at least there is much in Xiph that would remind one of Talis. They are both female, both human, both warriors and both fall within that rare class of people who can be engaged in conversation by a fairy and self aware brass automaton without any obvious signs of discomfort, horror, incredulity or other inconvenient notions of that sort.
However, let me be absolutely clear on this point, that despite these similarities, and the general difficulty that most people experience when trying to distinguish one large human from another, Xiph is definitely not Talis.
One does not wish to be unkind, as no doubt she has made the best that she can of herself under the circumstances, but there is definitely something of the shop about her at present. Mean nothing by it you know, but she did ask to be paid — and only agreed in the end to accompany us on the condition that she got to show me to her mother, who it seems is some sort of — smith.
Still, I do see some signs of a desire for improvement on her part, although not it seems at this time improvements concerning her appearance — which while well enough for her current station in life is not all that could be desired in a gentlewoman.
It is perhaps not entirely to be wondered at that when Pandora suggested that Xiph might be more happy if she modelled her appearance on that of a more noble lady such as Talis (and with Pandora's aid this "modelling" would have been most comprehensive and enduring), Xiph declined. It was most probably all too much for her, and she no doubt rightly felt that this act would have constituted a great degree of presumption on her part. It seems likely therefore, that she is basically a good hearted if somewhat simple sort of a girl, so all is not lost.
Of course the idea once fixed in Pandoras head, of improving the appearance of those about her — was a difficult thing to shift, if you get my meaning. Pandora is prone to these enthusiasm's and was much diverted by the necessary preparations required in order to effectively reduce the overall ugliness of the general human population, and make them all look a bit more like Talis (at least I think that was what was going on). All with the best possible motivations of course — and no doubt the thing would have worked out, but I could not help but be mildly relieved when Calvin and Xiph, in a somewhat hurried sort of a way suggested that maybe we should be "getting on", before Pandora's plans had had the opportunity to fully bear fruit.
It was perhaps a little unfortunate for Calvin and Xiph that we ended up setting out on a new adventure, in the middle of winter — without much in the way of money and supplies. Now, normally this would not be much of a problem, as Pandora is usually more than willing to provide for us all, all manner of necessary things through the use of her exceptional powers. I don't really understand how it all works you know, but it is remarkably good of her to put herself out in this way, and I often feel that she does not get the credit she deserves for assuming this onerous burden. And in this particular instance, it has to be said that it seemed to me that Pandora was beginning to feel the same way.
It was just little things to start with you know, the "No one is telling me how pretty I am except you, Basil — why is no one telling me I am pretty!" statements, and the "Xiph didn't even say thank you when I wanted to make her look prettier, even though she is just an ugly, giant human" sort of thing.
Fortunately for all concerned no actual transformations did take place although I did have to act rather quickly at one point when Pandora started muttering about Calvin, a tail and "...coming out of his forehead — but where does the bottom go on the big poopy head??? OH...!!!"
A hurried suggestion for a promenade might seem like a weak sort of reed to offer up under the circumstances, but it did the trick nicely, and if the topic of conversation during the promenade makes it more likely that the consequences attendant the next time Calvin or Xiph transgresses in the matter of politeness towards a certain fairy, are somewhat more creative than will be wholly pleasant, I find I cannot really regret this.
As I am sure that you can imagine this was all extremely diverting, for a time — that time lasting until other matters started to intrude. These other matters were chiefly concerned with the weather — which is not generally of much interest to me other than as a topic of polite conversation you know, but nonetheless given the frigid and icy nature of the wintery blasts, and the heavy snow fall that started in the middle of the afternoon — it seemed worthy of our attention.
Calvin and Xiph discussed all manner of impractical solutions to the problem of their impending expiration due to extreme cold. These solutions whilst being suitable to people of their station and present capabilities, all sounded remarkably unpleasant and inconvenient to me (and for me, as it happens!) — but this did not seem to be much of a consideration. Fortunately Pandora and I conceived of the notion of a pretty little gypsies cart lined with all manner of appealing furs and the like, and this once provided rapidly became the preferred remedy. Leadership was all they were lacking you know, and it is clear to me that this is what Pandora and I must perforce provide in order to forestall a descent into chaos and the regular unnecessary dying off of the lower orders. It all gets so untidy otherwise, and requires a lot of keeping track of different names — at least if one wishes to maintain the basic courtesies. And one most certainly does, you know.
Now, the gypsy cart was in many ways an ideal solution. As a notion it was charming, and this engaged Pandora willingly in a project that might otherwise not have met with her favour due to her earlier harsh usage at the hands of the undeserving. With the benefit of hindsight it might perhaps have been more advisable to have created a vehicle of more robust construction, however. For while the gypsy cart was most ideally suited to addressing the exigencies imposed upon us by the unusual violence of the weather conditions we were encountering, it proved to be lest apt to meeting the needs imposed upon us by the unusual violence attendant upon the arrival of the associated Wendigo.
Were I a man of greater brain than I am, it would no doubt have been clear to me that the storm that gripped us was not wholly natural in origin and that Wendigo's and the like were to be expected. The fact that I am not such a man is not actually a circumstance that I much regret — or regret at all actually, but it did occur to me as the Wendigo ripped the front half of the gypsy cart off and flung it off into the darkness of the surrounding storm, that perhaps a little more forethought on my part might have left us better prepared. Still, it could have been worse, as apart from Calvin (who landed rather badly) no one was actually hurt during the initial onset.
I will admit also that I had been aware for some time that there was some sort of large creature prowling about outside — and that once I had confirmed the nature of its intent using my superior mental powers, I did rather enrage the beast by giving it a sound mental slapping. You know the sort of thing. I had rather hoped that this would drive the creature off you know — but instead we found ourselves perched somewhat precariously amongst the ruins of our erstwhile shelter facing an enraged and bellowing incarnation of the spirit of the storm.
Talis, I mean Xiph did seem a little put out by all the bellowing, which I am told was somewhat terrifying. Nonetheless she received the creatures charge competently enough and struck a moderately effectual sort of a blow to the creatures arm, which caused further bellowing and shameless carrying on on it's part. The blow she took in return did seem to stagger her a bit, so it is perhaps fortunate that Calvin had recovered himself by this stage and chose to intervene.
Once the Wendigo had finished with Calvin (which was a circumstance almost simultaneously following the initial intervention,) and tossed his torn and bleeding body once more into the darkness, he again found himself facing Xiphs blade, and of course my own titanic mental powers. Pandora, bless her, had been a little discommoded at the start of the battle — what with the icy blasts and the bellowing and the like, so she chose to attempt to render aid and succour to Calvin, flying off into the night in search of whatever major portions of his form that might still be in some sense collocated with or otherwise attached to each other.
Well, it was a mighty struggle twixt the Wendigo, and Xiph and myself. Xiph's swordplay was solid, and she struck some mightily shrewd blows — if I give credit where due, but the final blow in this affair was my own. I struck the scoundrel down, ripping his animalistic mind into very shreds and visiting such terror upon him as will haunt him for an age. Which may seem an unusual sort of statement to make you know, considering that we slew him. But as it turns out this slaying is a temporary sort of circumstance for a Wendigo.
Of course my immediate concern, even above and beyond the rearranging of my attire after the affray, was to locate and render all possible aid to Pandora. And of course, where appropriate to Calvin as well, in a spirit of charity. However this proved to be somewhat difficult as, although the force of the storm did somewhat abate on the death of the Wendigo, if anything the snowfall itself intensified and soon all about us was blanketed in freezing white carpet of snow.
I immediately reached out for Pandoras mind, and you can imagine my shock, Pandexter, when I found nought but blankness where before had been the most radiant beauty imaginable. I even searched for Calvin, such was my desperation, and remained unrewarded in this pursuit as well.
It is not clear to me even now what malevolent force struck them both down, but at least in Calvin's case the conjecture is simple enough. When we found him, he was still living — you could tell that from the leaking — and the visible observation of his beating heart. He was of course deeply unconscious, in the way of most humans, and this is why I had been unable to find his mind.
With Pandora I can only surmise that some dark and malevolent power had overcome her as she misguidedly (but understandably in a female of her nobility) sacrificed herself to protect Calvin. In any case she was physically unharmed by anything but the cold, but her mind had sunk so deep within herself as to be barely able to be perceived at anything other than the closest distance. We found her, wand raised in defiance (or so it seemed), lying directly on one of the cleaner pieces of Calvin's chest.
Xiph and I had searched for hours before we found them, and I will say this in Xiph's favour, she did not once complain, and applied herself to this task with great loyalty and devotion so perhaps it is the case that something may yet be made of her.
In the end though the case did seem hopeless (except of course that one is constitutionally unable to give up hope!). We were nearing the end of our strength and had covered and recovered all the possible ground when I felt within myself the presence of a familiar and beloved spirit — as the "potential" I described to you earlier Pandexter was realised. Whatever it was that happened, to our joy we found our questing hands guided to Pandora's supine form, soon after discovering Calvin as well.
It fell to us only to give what aid we could and keep them both alive till dawn. The remains of the cart provided both a rudimentary sort of a shelter and material for a fire, which well served the necessary purpose. Once these arrangements had been made, I decided to reward Xiph for her loyalty by diverting her with the "Heartquest of The Maiden", which she greatly appreciated, sitting most attentively throughout the entire six hour performance.
The coming of dawn also saw a return to consciousness for Pandora, and characteristically she refused to burden us further by describing the malevolent force that had suddenly struck her and rendered her impotent. The poor dear brave creature, no doubt she intends to face this terror alone in future — but she will find my sword at her side, nonetheless!
Anyway, it was all most notable in a victorious sort of away, just the start one could have wanted for a new adventure. Perhaps a little hard on Calvin, but one should not mind that sort of thing too much, and he should harden up nicely if things continue as they have so far.
Not sure if all this is of any interest to you Pandexter, I assume that you will make your wishes known in some appropriate fashion should you wish me to cease my recounting. Failing this circumstance, I will of course be in contact directly with further discourse on our doings while executing the order of the stick.
I remain as always,
Basil De Brass
(Count, Manikin, and Gentleman Adventurer)
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