"Bold and Brassy" - An autobiographical account of the doings of Count Basil De Brass, gentleman adventurer, as related by him to the brain in the jar, by means of his superior mental powers
Now, as is widely known I am a keen observer of all things and a notable authority on matters of import. What is more, as I have previously related to you Pandexter, recent experiences have given me a most particular perspective on the proper management of demons.
Of course one thing I am not known for is vast reflective depths, at least not as far as my non physical aspects are concerned. But no one has ever called me a cork brain or an addle pate - excepting maybe now and again in the way of a jest. So I do think that I am saying something worth listening to when I say that you would either have to be the downiest fellow in the world or perhaps either the sorriest fool in all creation to attempt to strike any sort of a complicated bargain with a demon.
Yourself I would place into the downy category. But in my experience there are not very many other fellows that would measure up to that description with regard to this particular subject.
I believe that you will agree with me that all demonic proceedings are most advisedly handled very firmly. Indeed one might almost say that no measure or precaution or whatnot can be too strict when one is confronted with the denizens of the outer darkness and their various minions.
So how then is it then that this fellow Calvin, who seems not to be a complete fool, (despite his wholly deplorable sense of fashion and general want of address), has the very stench of demonic corruption pervading every fibre of his being? I cannot believe that this is very desirable, and it seems to me to be a very sloppy, and somewhat unfortunate state of affairs that he finds himself in. One can only assume that it was a course embarked on not entirely through choice. It being not quite the thing and all that.
But at times I will admit that whatever venal bargain he made, has been very useful for the rest of us however badly it will turn out for him in the longer run.
One such occasion as this occurred somewhat recently, and proved to be an experience that was at once both diverting and illuminating, being a little out of the ordinary insofar as our current pursuit of the Sword Brothers is concerned.
In the usual way of things, the type of brutish mindset that is encouraged within the ranks of the Sword Brothers, has proven to be most effectively harnessed in the service of our own more noble goals, (whatever these might actually be). The fools before us assail all comers with a primitive sort of energy, and in doing so clear our own path of all manner of impediments.
Still, it is useless to expect perfection from so flawed a set of tools, and tools that are in truth all unwilling towards the purpose we would set them to. So we were not surprised yesterday of an evening when assailed by what proved to be a most incongruous sort of a creature.
Now in and of itself a mere assault by a creature, no matter how incongruous would not normally be described by me as "diverting and illuminating". Incongruity has been very much the thing of recent times, and indeed some persons might describe my own nature to be somewhat incongruous, at least initially. What was diverting and illuminating was Calvin's response to the assault, and the light that this threw upon some earlier comments I recall you making, Pandexter.
I will admit to a degree of concern and vexation as I saw the huge, shambling mound of detritus and swamp mould walking towards us. Concern due to the fact that while our boat is admirably suited to making progress through a swamp, which is of course its main intended purpose, it is perhaps not the most stable fighting platform that could be conceived�. And, well - not intending to be rude but some of my companions are reasonably large and do not lack for enthusiasm (usually expressed through vigorous movement) in combat.
My vexation was in large part due to the fact that the exigencies of keeping my resident demon in check require me to adopt a somewhat more passive role in the affray than is my usual wont. My sword stands ready as always, but in truth it is at times somewhat lacking in the length necessary to truly get to grips with my foes.
This is not something that I would discuss openly of course, as the ladies must still be able to rely on me in their minds as the mainstay of their defence. I am convinced that this is the only thing that has enabled them to face the perils of this swamp with such bravery. They depend on me. But in truth I am sorely hampered, and we stood in considerable danger as a consequence.
Pandora, bless her, hid us from sight beneath a shimmering veil of fairy magic, and we fell to silence. Unfortunately the corrupt mass before us seemed to be relying on senses other than the usual, and in fact was hastened towards us, no doubt motivated by some dubious and misplaced desire to devour or otherwise do us harm.
Talis was as ever ready to meet the challenge, and swung mightily with her sword, looking to hit some vital part or perhaps sever the limb that was questing towards her.
Now I have not as a general rule ever before considered the advantages of being constructed entirely from moist and yielding rotting detritus, being as I am more than satisfied with my own more robust brass construction. But in this instance I will have to admit that the way in which Talis's sword blow (which might well have caused me considerable damage had I received it), was absorbed wholly without effect, did raise some points in favour of this alternative material.
The immediate unfortunate consequence of this lusty but unsuccessful blow was of course that the limb that was questing towards Talis was not severed, and indeed was not severed in a way that enabled it to completely engulf the head of Talis in its own putrescent embrace. Shortly thereafter being used by its owner to lift Talis from the boat in a most unbecoming and inappropriate fashion.
Seeing this I of course rushed to engage, and naturally enough the creature fled my righteous wrath - but unfortunately without releasing its noble captive. Pandora set off in hot pursuit, unwilling to see her friend mistreated in this way. I have no doubt that between herself and myself we would have proven equal to the task of bringing this monstrosity to its knees, and effecting a timely rescue, had not events developed in an unforeseen way.
It appears that Calvin, was also not entirely unmoved by these events, for though he is no true gentlemen, he does not wholly lack for courage. He loosed a few arrows to little or no effect, before abandoning this approach and opening himself to his dark master, thereby unleashing as it seemed, the very fury and dark corruption of hell itself, on the creature before us.
I should imagine that the events that I describe do not surprise you, for as I do recall when first you met Calvin you made comments about "the path you have chosen is not one that I would have followed" or some such like statement. I however will admit to some considerable surprise, as I heard Calvin begin his unholy chant of "Blood, Blood, Blood and souls for my lord�". His lord being some one who shall not be named by me! Especially not given my own particular circumstances at this time.
I shall not describe the manner in which the swamp beast was blasted, shrivelled and mutilated by the forces Calvin unleashed. Suffice to say that one corruption ended the other, and that Talis soon found herself in the unenviable position of trying not to breathe whilst being embedded in a swamp. This embedding being as a result of an unfortunate plunge subsequent to her erstwhile foes prior disintegration.
Fortunately for us all, Pandora was more than ready to meet this task - and swiftly enough a sturdy climbing frame was created that allowed Talis to achieve a circumstance that enabled a resumption of her breathing habit. This circumstance I have to accept was fortunate, even though one cannot help but see it as perhaps being in some ways a missed opportunity.
My own role in this whole affray was passive, and this is a cause of some degree of frustration to me. But I have my eye to the future, and am playing a deeper game. I carry within me the seeds of our ultimate victory - I am convinced of that. And I mean to see this through, whatever the cost.
My own companion is growing more and more restive of late, but I remain in control of myself and my affairs. I know now what I must do, and what I must not do to keep him in his place. So here I am, committed to my path, exactly as I should be, properly assured, properly damned calm and properly damned amused.
I remain as always,
Basil De Brass
(Count, Manikin, and Gentleman Adventurer)
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