"Bold and Brassy" — An autobiographical account of the doings of Count Basil De Brass, gentleman adventurer, as related by him to the brain in the jar, by means of his superior mental powers
As is widely known amongst all persons of any discernment in these matters, I am a gentleman that is inclined to action and activity, in the service of noble ambitions and whatnot. It is also the case that I am known as a notable wit and raconteur.
Indeed were I the sort of fellow who actually eats dinner, it is hard to imagine a more appealing sort of a chap to have as a dinner guest than me. Consider if you will, the advantages of sharing a board of fare with a true hero in the traditional mode, returned from vast far ranging adventures of unimaginable import and peril, pausing now momentarily to enlighten all about him with uplifting tales of heroism and courage, before embarking once more into the very jaws of fate — a song in his heart, a quip on his lips, and many a jolly jape and jest to bear his comrades company along the way...
So it is to an extent unfortunate Pandexter, that at times I find these two inclinations, the one towards activity, the other towards story telling to be not as complimentary as I would fain have them be.
You see, its all to do with there not being much to tell in the usual way of things about our passage through the rest of the swamp place to the tower of burning iron that was the gateway to our ultimate goal.
Of course perils there were in great number and we faced them all, but truth to tell none of these perils were overmuch different from those that have already been described, and on the other hand there is much that is new to relate regarding events that occurred once we reached the burning tower.
So it seems that in this instance the instinct towards activity shall triumph over the noble art of story telling in its purest form, and that we shall move forward to the climax of everything.
I will admit to a vast sense of relief on arrival at our destination. There is no doubt that a noble quest such as ours (which it appears IS about rescuing the lady demon that Talis worships, after all!), is its own reward, and that it is in the nature of these things that privation, toil and self sacrifice go hand in hand with the acts of derring do, but the months long pursuit of the Sword Brothers through the swamp place had well and truly taken its toll on us all, excepting maybe Pandora. I cannot conceive of a circumstance that would greatly discommode that great hearted lady.
I myself, was undaunted, but perhaps a little cast down. You might think it was the sense of impatience and vile anticipation that I could feel growing ever present in the mind of my unwilling demonic companion. Ever gnawing, and ever chipping, and ever abrading away at my own will.
You might also consider that it was the knowledge that soon I might have to confront the awful power of my erstwhile master, that black hearted villain Umlaut Of Tremar, and in doing so risk my own unmaking and the loss of all that was near and dearest to my heart.
But in fact neither of these things weighed a great deal with me. One accepts such things when one embarks on the Hero's road to glory — and I have a few tricks left in me yet. No, what cast me down a bit was the utterly deplorable state of my appearance, and the slipping, the SLIPPING I say, of standards that should never be let slipped, at least not by one who lays claim to be a proper gentleman!
Such a disgrace I have never before born witness too. I shall not describe the mould, the verdigris, the chipping, and the embarrassing stains. It is enough, and more than enough just to mention the very words. To say that my appearance was a cause for outrage, and was completely improper, inappropriate and unfortunate to a degree beyond comprehension does no justice to the situation, but is all that I am capable of relating at this juncture. It is all still too close you see.
Oh how I longed to be free of my unwilling companion, so that I might reshape myself and end the indignity and degradation.
Truly, the degree of sacrifice, it beggars the mind. And not just my own sacrifice, no, for not one word of reproach regarding my appearance passed the lips of either Talis or Pandora. I will be forever in their debt with regard to the consideration they showed towards me despite what must have been a sore trial of their sensibilities. Such kindness has never before been shown to me, it is singular, and precious, and worthy of my own poor devotion.
Hence the feeling of relief, that such trials as we had endured were now at an end.
The first certain indication that we had that we were nearing our destination was the sound of an awful battle between the Sword Brothers in front of us, and one of my old masters less subtle, and larger servitors. Although, to be sure, other indications there had been — the mists had grown stronger, the Sword Brothers had abandoned their boats, and I could feel a growing sense of "nearness" to the mind and hand that made me.
You would scarce credit that the mind and hand that made me could be capable of creating the gross and misshapen creature that confronted us once we first cleared the mist that had enshrouded us for so long. Fortunately this creature was the same one that had confronted the Sword Brothers, and judging by the bodies around it, tried them severely. For the creature itself was no longer animate, and indeed lay open and broken before us.
I have ever been one to spot and act upon opportunities once presented, and knowing as you do my nature and the nature of my construction, Pandexter, it should come as no surprise to you that my first impulse (and this impulse was acted on instantly) was to explore the inner workings of the iron war beast with a view to making a portion of its power my own.
And indeed I was successful in this venture, finding the jewel that I needed, and adding this to the matrix of my being. I am unlocked now, it seems, and my foes will find themselves undone.
Pandora, Calvin and Talis were much engaged with other matters, chiefest amongst these being the observation of a somewhat bedraggled band of 30 or so Sword Brothers walking hand in hand through a curtain of fire into the heart of the Iron Tower we could now discern.
Now, fire as such does not overly concern me, and indeed my own passage through the curtain of flame was virtually without incident — saving only the loss of most of the solder holding the seal on the prison of a demon prince securely to my chest. But each of us in found in our way, a means of passing the fire, invoking powers faie, divine and or demonic as suited our natures.
Within the tower it was all coolness and light, which was all to the best, considering. — I do have to say I was somewhat disappointed to see that it was one of those tedious dimensional gateway constructions that confronted us. You know the sort of thing, — it was a many doorways, many worlds but the fate of one of them in our hands with time in the balance so which one to chose, sort of a gateway. Bit of a dilemma, what with none of us knowing how to track — ( a plebeian skill to be sure!).
However as fate would have it, a dilemma that was shortly resolved by the arrival via the door opposite, of what appeared until it hit the floor and shattered into carbonised fragments, to be the black statue of a sword brother.
My heart swelled with pride when I heard Talis say in calm and measured tones, and without pause of any sort, "Well, that appears to be the way", as she drew her sword and led us forth.
On passing through the gateway, the first thing I observed was that none of us had been carbonised, which was all to the good. What was also all to the good, despite the somewhat incongruous nature of this statement was the sight of "flame shrouded mountain of demonic darkness" that was the ultimate and final obstacle in our heroic quest. For blazing at the very core of this vast and evil creature was the divine fire that lives in the "heart of the maiden".
Our quest, to liberate The Maiden's essence, and set her free was but a heartbeat away from completion, that heartbeat being the beating heart of the demon before us, which must be stopped from its beating at the soonest possible opportunity.
The moment had come upon us it seemed. Whatever purpose had drawn us to this place at this time must now be played out. Before us we saw the remaining sword brothers, of whom some half still stood, closely engaging the burning prince while one amongst their number strove frantically at some sort of ultimately pointless ritual, designed no doubt to bind or otherwise discommode the terror they confronted, and thereby gain access to the treasure within.
Of course Talis, and Pandora were all for an immediate end to the affair — without recourse to the unclean but apt tool that you had placed ready to their hands. But as you know, Pandexter, I was resolved to keep them from harm for in truth I could not see that an encounter of this sort would end well for us, and that direct confrontation was never going to be our way.
This was my time, my time to release my burden, and in the end I had my way. Pandora agreed to use the scroll that you gave us and issue the single command that the binding allowed us. That command being:
"Kill that demon as you leave this place"
Which I believe you will agree was a very appropriate sort of a command under the circumstances, and one of which I am quite proud, actually.
Now, as it happens I am not well placed to relate all of the events that followed, as the immediate consequences of a mountain sized demon prince(ss?) emerging from a chest cavity that I was not entirely sure existed anyway beforehand, was that I lost consciousness and became somewhat "spread out".
Fortunately I am of robust and malleable construction. Even more fortunately Pandora is a potent creature, kindly disposed towards me and one who is both willing and able to repair me on the odd occasion when this is required. Perhaps even more, more fortunately the demon prince(ss) appeared to obey the instruction given, and immediately moved forward to engage her foe.
This appears to have somewhat discommoded the sword brothers, who I am told were slain in great numbers in an incidental sort of a way. Something to do with minds shattering under the strains imposed by unspeakable horrors, followed by mass incineration as defences collapsed and the fury of hell rained down upon them.
Under the circumstances, it would be somewhat churlish to offer any reproaches towards you Pandexter, but suffice to say that the manner in which the demon emerged from its prison was not entirely pleasant, and that this is not an experience that I am greatly desirous to repeat. Last thing I will say on the matter of course, as overall the thing worked out — but thought you should know.
When next I came to myself, the first thing I did was rearrange my attire, and oh what a blessed release that was! The next thing I did was take stock of the situation, and truth to tell, on the purely physical plane there was not much to see. The two demons were facing each other, immobile across a blackened wasteland (which seemed appropriate). But when I extended my awareness onto the psychic plane the true extent and nature of the struggle became clear.
The first thing I realised was that both of the combatants were far beyond me. My own powers are subtle, and varied and would have been of no use at all in confronting the kind of raw power that I saw displayed. I resolved to remain an observer only, and I believe that you will agree that this was a wise course.
The second thing I realised was that the demon you provided was clearly going to be the victor in the contest. This being the case the most sensible course of action for us was to ready ourselves for any treachery or deceit on its part, and to try and avoid its further notice.
It was a source of considerable amusement to me therefore to observe that Calvin, who claims expertise in these matters was seeking to close with the demons and enter into the affray. What motivated these actions on his part is not clear to me and is something that he now refuses to discuss, but I can only surmise that in this regard he was not an entirely free agent, as his actions, to an external observer, appeared to be nought but the sheerest folly.
At the time I thought it was possible that he was pursuing some goal of his own, and so I resolved to keep my eye firmly upon him. The demon taint is on him and in him, after all.
Had I been with him, I would have been able to help shield his mind from the enthralment that was casually imposed upon him, leading him to circle ever closer and closer to the ravening psychic predator that he sought to trifle with.
But his actions were ill-advised, and my post was clearly at the ladies side. Nothing more to be said here, really.
It was perhaps to Calvin's benefit therefore that before he could be reeled in and devoured, the burning prince was defeated and slain. His mind crushed, and very essence drained away to ashes before our eyes. You can well imagine the sense of relief with which we saw the victor in this contest, obey the compulsion we had laid upon him(?), and depart the field of victory.
Pandexter, it may surprise you that at this point in my recounting I do not bluster and bristle and posture and regale you with accounts of my own readiness to do battle, and my own assurance in our ultimate victory, no matter what the odds. But well you know the power of what you wrought when you bound that demon inside me, and there are yet limits to my own capacity for self-deception.
He who had been the burning prince, toppled forward, his flames extinguished. It was all extremely dramatic and what not, what with the crashing, and the shattering and the anguished howls of tormented souls (well — perhaps I made that last bit up, but it will make a fine passage in my opera!). I am sure that you can picture the scene well enough, so I shall not describe it further.
Calvin immediately rushed forward, the very personification of avarice and vile ambition. I have no idea what his purpose was, but his loyalties have never been clear to me and I doubted not that given a chance he would be up to no good. Mean nothing by it of course, as the man is hag ridden by his demonic master and not quite himself most of the time — but nonetheless I can tell you that I stood ready to slap him down and hard enough too, should it have proven necessary.
I need not have worried as Talis, called upon her power and the gift you gave her — and quick as a flash was standing before the shattered remains of our vanquished foe, sword bright in her hand. Whatever plan Calvin may have had, was hereby rendered impotent. Few can match her blade to blade, and Calvin would not dare to cross her in this way.
While this tableau was being enacted, Pandora and I made our own approach. Now the first thing I noticed was that the demon prince had been entirely constructed from stone, which is all very well and I think you will agree has some considerable advantages which flesh, for example does not share.
The second thing that I noticed was that the demons stone construction was a particularly fortunately circumstance for us. You see Pandora has a certain facility with stone, and most particularly with the making holes in thereof. So it was a matter of sheerest simplicity for Pandora to exercise this power and thereby drill a hole deeply and swiftly into the very belly of the beast, and in doing so reveal to us the heart of the maiden in all its glory.
It was perhaps most fitting that it was Pandora who fluttered down into the cavity she had made, and drew forth the maidens heart, placing it into the ready hands of that most glorious of champions, the lady Talis. The picture of it is fixed in my mind — the culmination of all our struggles, the pinnacle of our achievements, the focus of all our hopes.
Now as it turns out, all unknown to me but most likely not unknown to you, Talis appears to have been the last remaining avatar of the maiden, the only fragment of the goddess herself that had remained free. So when she first clutched the glowing crystal heart that was the focus of her being it was -well to say it was remarkable does not come near to describing it. It was a moment of clear and transcendent beauty the like of which I shall no doubt never experience again.
For you see, that which was Talis became the maiden, or at least as near as a fellow such as myself can understand it. Next thing I knew we were all back at the Preceptory, surrounded by a group of very surprised looking Sisters.
Now of course I am myself a quite remarkable chap, and in general you could say that even given my remarkableness, I am as nothing in this regard compared to Pandora. But I think what really surprised them was the presence of a living goddess in their midst.
I shall not describe all the proceedings that then ensued, and in truth Talis/Maiden did not long walk amongst them. But I believe that it would be fair to say that it is clear to me that in completing our quest, and bringing aid to the maiden in this way, we have done a notable service to a worthy group of honoured ladies. Nothing could please me more as it happens. A job well done.
What is also pleasing to me is that I am now free, free of my past, and this is the maidens doing. It has long troubled me you know, my past, the things that my old master used me for. The maidens gift to me was the only thing I could ever truly desire. To be made pure. She did it you know, she washed me clean, blessed me and put her power on me. It is such a joy to me that I can now serve Pandora pure in heart, clear in my mind and without the burden of past misdeeds upon me.
Calvin it seems also is released, or at least is now in service to a different patron. I am pleased for him, you know, as I cannot help but feel that he has more chance for improvement by keeping to his current society, rather than slipping back into old and darker habits.
Of course Talis is gone from us now, and this is a source of considerable sorrow to us but most especially to Pandora who has been her particular friend. It is of some comfort to her I suppose that the maiden has promised that the part of her that is Talis will still remember her and will listen to her at need , as and when she can.
So here we are at the end of what we have come to call "The Heartquest Of The Maiden". I have finished my opera, and the Sisters tell me that it is very good at six hours long! What fun eh!
Well, Pandexter, I will sign off now — I hope that you have enjoyed reading all of this, and that you got what you needed for your experiment thing. As it happens I find that I am now in the habit of speaking to the brain in the jar so I will continue to capture my observations and relate my anecdotes as long as you are prepared to keep on reading them.
I remain as always,
Basil De Brass
(Count, Manikin, and Gentleman Adventurer)
< Back | Forward > |