"Bold and Brassy" - An autobiographical account of the doings of Count Basil De Brass, gentleman adventurer, as related by him to the brain in the jar, by means of his superior mental powers
Unsurprisingly, anyone who knows me will tell you that I am sanguine enough in the face of adversity. I have never seen any value in the overt histrionics indulged in by the lower orders when fate trifles with 'em.
Or in fact, by those of better birth who find themselves in similar circumstances, and temporarily forget the normal strictures imposed upon their behaviour by their role and station in life.
Indeed one is often amused and even somewhat entertained by the dramas that occasion themselves to unfold.
Now, as it happens we currently find ourselves in just such a circumstance that would test the mettle of beings of lesser mind and sensibility than that which we currently possess.
I will beg your indulgence in returning to the matters of "mind and sensibility" and "that which we currently possess", directly I finish my current observations. Which I intend to make now.
The first observation I would like to make is this:
Pandora and Talis, being as they are the leaders of our expedition, have yet to reveal their purpose in regard of what appears to be our current aimless wanderings in the swamp place.
No doubt they conceal some deep and dreadful secret which for reasons that no gentlemen would seek to overturn, they chose not to reveal at this time.
This aimless wandering through endless, will sapping (for the elves anyway, my own will currently being sapped more directly and by a different agency), mist, appears to have no clear purpose. But this can obviously not be the case else why was my suggestion to raid the now weakened camp of the Sword Brethren not acted on?
No, clearly such aids as we may have found there in form of maps and equipment etc are completely unnecessary and irrelevant to the objectives before us.
Which I am thinking I may be mistaken in believing are firstly the locating of the tower of my old master Umlaut of Traemar. Then secondly, the rescuing of the Lady Demon that Talis worships from the evil man demon that she does not worship, but which is currently in my old master's employ.
It is entirely possible that I am mistaken and that actually we have some other purpose, which is best served by striking out boldly and without guidance of any sort into a vast swamp, shrouded in mind addling mist, and inhabited by a truly staggering array of nameless terrors and the like.
It is not immediately clear to me what purpose that might be, but being as I am a gentleman of a naturally even (some might say "regular") temperament, I am not at all dismayed.
The second observation I would like to make is this:
Some creatures seem not to thrive in an atmosphere entirely devoid of what would normally be called air. Although why they choose not to thrive is a little bit beyond me.
I occasioned to make this observation of an evening a few days ago while promenading in the swamp place with Pandora.
This charming and engaging diversion was unfortunately drawn to a premature halt by the necessity of us flying off to avoid the somewhat odious experience of being totally engulfed by a vast eruption of marsh gas.
Of course this would have been no problem for me as I do not breathe as such, and I doubt it would have troubled Pandora overmuch either, but it did seem to somewhat exercise the imaginations of our larger companions.
Anyway, they made a dash for the boat, and paddled furiously for a short time before being overcome by the gasping and the retching and the like.
Pandora and I had chosen to observe from afar, and she soon enough was able to change the marsh gas into something more wholesome for the others to breathe. Although why they continue to persist with their breathing habit escapes me, as it seems to be a vastly tiresome affair, indeed circumstances have shown it to be so!
Also, mages and necromancers of other types abound in this world, and I am sure that some other arrangement regarding alterations in form or indeed condition could soon be made with very little trouble were they but willing to try.
The third observation I would like to make is:
That one can never find a decent Alligator when you need one.
The utility of this observation may not be immediately apparent to you Pandexter, or then again it might be, as, as I have said before you are a dashed downy fellow.
You see, during our first two days in the swamp place Alligators were to be seen in vast abundance. This was a matter of concern to some, given the overtly biological nature of most persons present and the observed behaviour of Alligators apparently supporting the notion that they were likely to be eaters of persons of a biological persuasion.
Now it occurred to me that given that we had no other way of navigating the swamp place (what with our elves being hopelessly confused and all), convincing an Alligator to take us to where the "stench of metal and corruption" was strongest was a damned clever notion.
A DAMNED clever notion no doubt, but no sooner had this notion been expressed - and this is the interesting part - than did ALL the Alligators disappear! Suddenly, not a one to be seen anywhere!
I call it damned odd - for there ain't no other way to describe it.
It could be that this is a listening mist, and if that�s the case, well then all I have to say is that we have come to a sorry pass, and that the decencies are NOT being observed. Damned rude in fact. There are FEMALES present after all, and one should hardly need to spell this out, but at certain times females need their privacy and matters can go all funny if they do not get it.
At this point, I shall return if I may, to the matters of mind and sensibility that I alluded to earlier.
I have had at times while wandering aimlessly in this swamp place, occasion to indulge in the use of my superior mental powers. With a view perhaps, to locating minds, and plundering them for information that may be of use in resolving our current difficulties.
This is not now a course of action that I will be pursuing further, due to the fact that the last time I tried it I noticed two things. The first of these things is that I could feel a sense of danger, and of my masters senses stirring in our direction, even as I stirred myself in his. This is not a contest I will ever seek out, as he made me, and presumably can break me just as easily as I would break a normal human's mind.
The second thing I noticed, and this will interest you, was a certain lack of mental acuity on my own part, almost as if the demon within me was draining away at my mind — not having a soul for it to drain of course. It could be that when Pandora "sunk me" to gain the energy needed to change the marsh gas into air that humans could breathe, the demon was presented with an opportunity to circumvent some of the protections you built into his seal.
This is of mild interest to me, as it will be somewhat inconvenient if I am reduced to a state of mindlessness. Not to worry though, it ain't as if I have not experienced mindlessness before. I will bounce back in time, I always do!
Anyway, I remain appropriately calm in the face of this adversity, and if I can be permitted to say it, I am still vastly amused by all the hurrying and scurrying that occurs daily around me. I am still perfectly assured of our final victory in relation to our current quest, and look forward to many dashing deeds of valour in the interim.
I remain as always,
Basil De Brass
(Count, Manikin, and Gentleman Adventurer)
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